i don't like the working*

a couple of months ago i did something that edged me further into adulthood. ten years ago, that meant owning a toaster oven, my fav appliance. since then, i've come to see it means wearing certain kinds of clothes, a la, 'if you wear it, it will come' and 'it' is the decline of youth.

i got myself a real raincoat. bona fide. lapels. two sets of buttons. hoodless. i still have the gortex pseudo-i'm-outdoorsy one from college. but after a while, say 25, it looks silly to wear to work, since i don't make my living as an outward bound counselor or rafting instructor or granola maker.

the new one is sharp. designy. so blue it's black. trench-style, with a belt. unquestionably fashion forward and it cost at least one limb at an overpriced boutique in the borough of brooklyn in the county of kings.

today i wore it. on the subway home, i had my newspaper folded lengthwise reading the business section, a briefcase (another decidedly adult accoutrement; mine a gift, too infrequently used, for graduation) slung over my left shoulder. and the train stopped and a middle-aged man got on. he wore a trench coat with a belt and he was reading the newspaper, folded lengthwise to minimize fuss. suddenly i felt like i should go home not to an apartment in the city where spanish music pours out of the building at the top of the block and kids deal pot from its doorway, but to some leafy burg on the 5:43 from grand central, where i could pour myself a highball and fall deep into a cheever reverie.

some time ago, on a sunday evening, i was surfing a dating site. a guy instant messaged me (a minus, and he used unseemly shorthands, which get you stuck in those negative numbers). his handle? "your future husband." the conversation went like this:

guy: how are u?
me: okay. kind of down.
guy: why? cause you hate being on the internet and you hate the city?
me: mostly cause it's sunday night. and i got sunday night blues.
guy: oh, me cause i hate being on the internet and i hate living in the city. can't wait to move to the suburbs. let's meet. i'll convince you to move to the suburbs with me. lol.
me: hmnn. not sure. i prefer public transportation to driving. i grew up in a suburb. it was nice but you often have to drive. and i'm not one for lawnwork either. though i could imagine gardening.
guy: let's meet. when?
me: i'll check ya later.

at which point i adiosed him and poured myself a scotch with rocks.

*this post's title is a shout out to my pal, philippa who's in
a band that sings 'i don't like the working' and, as it happens, i'm listening to them now. get this: the name of the designer of my grown up raincoat is filippa.

coincidence???????