what i seen at the wars

it warn't intentional, but i got home on monday evening, slightly tipstered from an evening benefit thing i went to with a friend. and once home, i turned on the telly cause what else could i do? i mean drunk dialing is so ten minutes ago. and what is on the telly after all this night but some new show (maybe it's a reality show? maybe it's fiction, not sure) called 'how to get a guy' or something like that, might be, 'how to date a guy.'

right. so, here's the tips i took in. 'break the touch barrier.' uh huh. really. put your arm on theirs and before long your daddy will be paying for doves to soar over the altar and you'll hyperventaliate because of the loves you feels. or, limit your evening out to a 2-drink minimum (a tip really some of us could adhere to). also, make sure to offer a compliment to the dude, a la "wow, you sure know how to order a bottle of wine" or "your wristwatch is simply magnificent" or "i'm sure when we get into bed, there will be lots for me to compliment you on but until then, i'm going to hold off on the complimentary facts of life cause your ego is already titanic and if it gets bigger there will be no air to breath." also, the show's dating coaches warned, quote: a good date without a kiss is an appointment. true sages, oui, but how to take seriously an advisor-lady who wears a cap with a tartan print? i had a date that ended once with no more or less than a high five. we did not go out a second time.

anyway, i had a coupla dates this wkend. a walk in the park date. and a beer date that was an odd one. it was quick, a fast drink. and the dude, though nice, was about as neurotic as i've ever met. told me a) it's always bad to socialize with more than one other person at a time, making dinner parties about as appealing for him as getting mugged in a humid summer alley alone in that languid time of night before dawn; b) vacations are about luxury so if you can't afford to stay in hotel for a while and are considering, as i do, swapping apartments, resist that urge. instead, make your vacation only a single night, so as to not have to take out the trash even once.

after that date, the fella hot for yours truly, a drorable girl, gave my cell a jing-a-ling, just to let me know that soon he'll be in new york and am i married yet and am i going on jay-dates (as if that's the only kind a jay might undertake) and he'll call before he gets here and when he gets here too and how much calling is too much and do i prefer to talk on the phone or just to meet and fall in.

very much more to say. but now sleep beckons.