oops, i did it again

i'm not that cynical.

it's true. how do i know? i re-upped on a dating site. by which i mean i paid to access even more photos of people i'll never contact and who'll likely never contact me. even more cherses of fellas i might contact who very probably will not reply (the ego takes a bruising). even more guys who'll do some weird thing called "a wink" which is not really possible on a computer (and also, have you ever seen me wink...no. why? because a) it's stupid and if you want to say hello, by god, say hello and b) i actually cannot do it physically. i had a winking contest with a nephew once and he laughed and laughed because my winks looks simply like i'm squinting a whole lot).

i realized the borat/stroke of the cheek dream is about two people i know. one of them, an italian dude who's a friend but at one time for a brief time was more, who was here this year visiting. and on a few occasions on his visit he reached across the table and did just that. stroked my cheek. which seems to me to be intimate. and then he flew away. and the skin on my face felt and still feels a little exposed.

but hope springs. or i'm bored. and a little too much by myself these here days. and my friend convinced me last night to pay that cashmoney. and to get some new clothes while i'm at it. she gave sage advice. i gave her dinner.