if thems are the jays

maybe i need to think more about them cees or emms or aitches or bees or aays (either one of the latter).

what i mean is i went with my friend s to a speed dating event last night. my first. hers too. and it was sponsored, i guess but didn't really clue in, by a certain online dating enterprise that is for jays. most of the fellas were in the financial sector (nothing wrong with that, i guess) except for a pediatrician who kept his briefcase on his lap like a security blanke, a school teacher who used the word 'incinerate' in conjunction with the gaza strip and a dentist from jersey who had more rage toward his patients than howard beale in network ('they can't expect to miss a regular appointment and then waltz in with an emergency!! i told the front desk: no appointment 'til monday!!!'). by the time the dentist sat across from me i was exhausted and my jaw agape, wowed by him in the way you are transfixed by two people macking on each other in the subway or maybe, more appropriately, by an accident or something lewd. you cannot look away.

there were some seemingly nice guys but how much do you know about someone in a whopping 4 minutes? here's what else i learned:

1) a lot of these men didn't seem to read any books;
2) one of them, a financial advisor from the upper west side, but of course (alternative home bases: upper east, long island, and jersey—that's right, people traveled miles to meet...me! and s!) is writing a book on the causes of anti-semitism (i told him it's a tough niche these days and asked if he had a publisher yet. er...that's got vanity press written all over it);
3) lots of them wore pretty thick gold necklace chains (in my life i know not a single man who wears a necklace; this is not a judgment);
4) one, a lawyer or a broker or something, likes to travel a lot, 'you know, to vegas or south beach. i go out to the hamptons a lot, you know, just to get away.' he lives in the five towns.
5) at least two of them were yankee fans (suckers!)
6) one thought i should see the movie waitress, that i'd really like it.

we had to decompress after. s conveniently 'forgot' her scorecard at the venue, a bleecker street bar, and had to return to collect it. it'd already been thrown away. but we are undeterred! a public radio sponsored singles event in a couple of weeks. if alls there are are mafioso-wannabe-broker-never-crack-a-book-only-write-my-own types, i shall go to the top of a mountain and scream for a long long time.

happy summer.