back in the u-s-s-r

well, i'm going to russia in a few weeks...on a vacation of sorts. but it's already making me kinda panicked at the disco because i got a free ticket because over the yrs i spend so much money with credit cards and that's great, except i wanted to make a change and have done so and without getting too detailed because mundane details of what a person eats or how a person travels are mundane and only grist for obsession for the eater or traveler (that's me today) it appears now that to get to st pete's i'll have traveled for more than 24 hours, which is a long, long amount of travel and part of it will have been a long layover in amsterdam, not long enough to get into the city, but long enough that i'll get restless and cross and uncross my legs several times and if i had a rosary i would worry it for sure.

but my travel agent, a russian lady, told me not to worry, not to panic, because i'm going to russia and there i will drink vodka and relax and it will be okay! but what if latter day kgb come after me or i get mixed up with the mafia or i get lost or when it comes time to meet my sister the cellist who will be there on tour and is in fact the reason i came up with this exciting/harebrained notion i don't find her and i don't know cyrillic or i discover a tap in my room. is it dangerous even writing this post? are they watching? did you know that when my parents went to russia in the olden days a cabbie dropped them off in a forest outside the city as a form of intimidation. do you see how i can become prone to paranoia not to mention paranormal?

it's all enough to make me hungry. which i am having run a lot this morning to settle my nerves after an upsetting dream about babies and single mommies not exactly by choice but by failed birth control and how do you explain that to your folks, if at all, that you're pregnant on account of a one night stand and is it even their business. that is the question.