snuff club

i come home from work. t-g-i-fuckin-f...ya dig? and as soon as i walk in the 'foyer' of the little house in which i live on the top floor in a wee apartment, i am walloped. wait, no—WALLOPED—by the smell of wintermint or is it peppermint or medicated tums or some kind of minty-fakey smell that reminds me of wintergreen certs but like amplified one thousand and one times. so strong it's like sporty spice on steroids and is probably burning off the tiny microscopic hairs inside my nasal passage right now. and i cannot escape it. it's everywhere in here. it has shut out the air. even with all the windows open on a balmy march evening.

in the bedroom—where i go to turn on some radiohead because all week i've had this lyric:

i been around the world...i slept with who i like

floating around in my head and bursting out of my mouth in morrissey-like moments of ecstacy which i hope nobody at the office bears witness to—in there, it is almost suffocating. am i suffocating?

i used to like that taste of wintergreen. this has cured me. last time this uberstank invaded i went to my neighbors just below to see if it was coming from them. no. they said it was lady on floor one, teased-haired mom of landlord, and something about an at-home hair treatment she's fond of.

but that cannot be it. no way. too much stank. did wrigleys start making hair products? has she infused them through a humongous humidifier that expels this plagues through the pipes? i can't escape it. HELP ME! YOU! HELP! ME!

praise allah and jc and all the rest, soon i'm headed out to see lucinda wms perform. some pals of mine left me a msg one day that said they went ahead and got me a ticket without even consulting. ain't that sweet? didn't even know she was coming to town. heard her new record's weak. but if it gets me out of this factory of stinkity, it'll be more than worth it.