half-sour

for reasons having to do with inertia, a rapid decline in adrenaline, two tumblers (half-full, i swear it) of famous grouse, and boredom on a fine spring evening on which i failed to make post-therapy plans i went to craigslist to see the action entitled missed connections.

partly too it's because 'round midday i was on a subway in the boro of manhattan in the county of—wait, i cain't even recall what the county is!—but on that times sq platform was a real q-t pie, shaved head, i think a small beard, damned white ipod headphones stuck in his ears, and we smiled at each other. first time in ages i even wanted to make eye contact with someone. he reminded me of two italian friends of mine, similar look. samo pavlovian desires that someone with a name like stefano does in fact elicit in the likes of slush.

so i thought, hey, lemme check that missed connections bit on the old list; it's kind of a gas, and i'm bored, and i don't have television reception so there's nothing to watch here, and i've done enough reading in the past 24 hrs, so much my eyes are tired, and i'm looking at craigey's list (we know each other, me and craig, and believe you me: all his friends use the diminutive) and there is a note.

but. but.

it's not for me.

'tis rather for someone i know a little. someone i had email contact with this very day. and the email says "do you know john doe? i'm trying, oh how i'm trying, to reach him by email" except it doesn't really say john doe, and it makes its request in other phraseology, which is in fact the science of phrases. and, john doe and i aren't friends enough that i could say: hey johnny d, i was bored and looking on craig's list, you know, my pal with the brown eyes, red hair and that remarkable diy 'tude, and i saw an ad there looking for your email address.

j.d. might think i was some kind of loserville to be spending time looking up there for love or a sparkle or a hint of flirtation. so, i'm not going to tell him about my visit thence.

his ignorance is blissful, non? plus he might think i'm stalking him; trying to get all up in his grill and shit. and i'm sooo not about getting up in his grill. and. shit.

plus, i don't think he even knows what a grill is.

consider: how often do you actually find something addressed to someone you know, even if only vaguely, on le list de craig? i think the last time something similar happened in my orbit was in 1990, goddamn, nearly two motherloving (we don't curse on this family-friendly channel yo!) decades ago, when my friend j took out an ad on the voice personals back page which use to be akin to bible class, to his girlfriend, k, also a dear f-o-s.

and, we all thought it was the height of romance. the pinnacle of amour. the absolute living end.