and so on and so on and so on

super called saturday morning, i was out for a run/jog, with a pal. and leaves a very long and sweet apologetic msg and tells me to call him back. and i don't because, really, what's the point of all this phone chat nonsense. either we go out or we don't but i can't take all the processing and advance work for it. oh, and in the message he calls me 'baby' which i find off putting because we haven't been on a date and i'm not so fond of that word as a term of endearment and what does he think our status is but also, why am i so uptight, it's only a word, right? i could call him sweetheart or sugarplum or dollface or stuff (well, if it was 1967), and it wouldn't mean i am in love. or in like. but so, i don't call back, because it's saturday and i don't really want to be on the phone and i know we'll talk sooner or later. and he calls again when i'm out to make sure i got his msg and to please call him so he can be sure i am not mad. and i am not mad. so i call him and say, 'i am not mad. but if you got to cancel, just say so so i can make alternate plans,' and he says he's going to make it up to me and if he wanted to cancel, he would do it frankly not via avoidance like so many chumps in the world (well, the chumps in the world part is my addition, pls forgive me license).

and that is that. we haven't spoken since. i don't know if it's by design or not but now i do want to go out with him, actively.

and mr kosovo 2007 and i are maybe going to meet this week again, but i feel this is getting silly and i am bullying him into going out. is that possible? probably not. but when you (i mean me) are always seemingly the initiator, it feels unequal and like i may be bullying. is it a bull market now or a bear? can never recall that. oh if i knew how to upload pix here i would take pix of my bull and bear bookends for you to see. they are funny. espeically since i have nothing to do with the markets, i mean i don't work in them or nothing much.

other things that were on my mind fled in the past 44 seconds. 45, 46, 47...