open letter to justin theroux

dear, sweet justin theroux.

why are you in miami vice? it's a funnish movie to watch, violence and tiny bits of sex and speed...ridiculous dialogue ('as trudy would say, i ain't playin'), and pretty, with a blue/green sheen that makes me wish i were a drug kinpin. and there's jamie foxx. and gong li. the actual invokation of phil collins at the end, ('i can see it comin the the air tonight...') is kind of a shame but without it, the flick would not be complete.

but, justin theroux, you had promise. remember? loads of it. in mulholland drive you were downright foxy in that 10 gallon, or stetson or whatever. in sex and the city...well, you reminded me of about half the guys i new from college, fellows who were skinny and wanted to be novelists but hated their moms or were hemmed in by fact checking jobs or dropped names way too often of half-rate singers like that long haired dude from the lemondrops or lemonheads or whatever that band was called that they got to tag along wtih at parties on saturday nights; guys who wanted to be convinced of their own talent. then you were in six feet under, i only saw about 3 episodes, but it seemed like a killer show and you seemed particularly killer in it. tres sexy. aren't you related to a famous writer? it adds to your mystique to think so. i remember there was an article about you in the ny times—was it the home section or style?—about your apartment. and it seemed like a cush pad, the kind of hipster crib you'd have, maybe with lots of books and cds of ultra cool bands. maybe you liked triphop. or the smiths. did they say or imply you are gay? i can't recall...maybe by design.

oh, justin theroux. now you're in a movie with colin farrell and you don't even get to say a word...or if you did, i missed it. instead, you seemed always to be chewing gum, and i wonder, what brand...i'd guess it's something esoteric with an acquired taste, maybe stimrol, if they still make that, but nothing as banal as juicy fruit or big red or bubblicious. you stand around the movie, in a white shirt, and provide back up or op cit or ibid or something. i think at one point you feign injury, excellent acting! a cap in the knee. did it hurt? besides that, you're a second or maybe even fifth fiddle. it's not quite clear. why? is that all there is?

justin theroux, i used to love you.