what dreams may come

my therapist recently advised me to pay better attention to my dreams, which have always been very detailed and entertaining (except when they have been nightmares, like the one with the fireball thrower dressed in a medieval monk's robe, the tsunami crushing me underwater, the kidnappers of me while i am on a swing in front of a big white victorian).

today i remembered just moments ago a dream i had this morning. about the guy i always see on the subway, the one i think is a snappy dresser who never ever seems bored by the times or the new yorker.

in waking life i see him now all the time, at least twice a week. we never make eye contact. and my fondness seems to have ebbed some. nevertheless in my dream someone fixed us up, but as friends explicity. it was to be an introduction of two people to be friends herewith. there was awareness of his being married. in the dream, i think i was too accounted for. and it struck me as decidedly odd to be set up on a friends date with this guy, that it would be disengenuous given my hankering for him. the other day, someone i was interviewing about gender and identity (the person is transgendered), said that people tend to be friends with members of the same gender, that cross-gender friendships don't really work or take. of course, her comment made me wonder, well i have genuine friends who are male--is that some indication of arrested development in other manner? are they not really friends? anyway, that's for me and my therapist to discuss suckers, but the notion of it was at play in the dream.

another time, years ago, a friend of mine (a male) said that whenever a woman and man go out together it is a date, no matter if they delude themselves into thinking otherwise. i mean, too, assuming both parties are straight. i wonder about that. i never felt with him at all on a date.

so, back to the dream, meantime outside it was snowing and it was so high, that it reached up beyond my windows. suddenly it all melted and everything was dry (including my bed which was inside in the dream but at the same time submerged by snow). and then i woke up and called in sick because i have been feeling sick since last night.