market watch

so, i am the worst person to answer surveys, especially market research surveys. today some woman called and started asking questions before i realized what was happening. at one point, i wondered if i was even talking to a live person, so i asked. i was. but on and on about nuclear power. it is not an issue i follow. maybe i ought to. she'd read these long statements about a facility in nys and i'd have to say if i agree strongly or mildly or not at all and i lost concentration and felt like this whole thing is a big lie because i can't possibly offer any real opinion based on a statement read to me over the phone by someone whose voice sounds like it's computer-generated. and it seemed to go on and on and on. finally i said i didn't want to finish the survey, that i had other things to do, that my answers were in any case lies and random because i don't know enough about indian point nuclear facility to hear her statements and make responsible answers. she was a bit annoyed, i think, that we had gotten this far. and i understand she is just a market research telephone lady. but still, i hung up.

then i got a call from a man who sounded like he lived far, far away. i thought perhaps india. in fact, utah. that's far from me. he said he had 'a few more questions' to finish the survey. i said, how many really? he said, around 6. i told him a few usually is three. i told him all my answers are lies because i am hungry and can't even really pay attention to his long statements about reports and fish and water and coolants and nuclear and new york city and green power and so when he asks me to rate the statements according to like or dislike, approve or disapprove, my answers come out simply to move the process along, not because i care about this survey taking or because i know what i am talking about and in that way, again, my answers are lies and the market research they accumulate from me is flawed.

i asked him to acknowledge the absurdity of our interaction. he would not.

i asked him to simply reply, to the remainder of the questions, 'strongly disapprove.' he said he had to read me each statement. i told him i am not even paying attention, it makes no difference, i don't want to do this anymore.

then we finally hung up.

it made me realize anew how weird market research is. these folks needed an opinion from me, any opinion would do, it did not matter whether the opinion was based on knowledge or belief. just had to mark an answer, teach to the test.

i smell chicken cooking somewhere and it is making me want some.