big apple circus

a combo of new years and watching best of youth until way too late last night, watching the youth i know...mature, and an unidentifiable angst has taken grip. i sat on the subway quietly weeping this morning. or, tears simply rolled out and i had no tissue and nobody even noticed me which was both horrifying, that even in crisis i may be invisible, and also oddly liberating. i feel better now somehow but also wary of the sudden onset of despair and even when i write that word some tears brim up. so i'm going to be buy new jeans cause my friend advised me that it might help.