sands through hourglass

an update prompted by my friend who wrote me a note of concern after reading my post of yesterday, which is that i've shed no tears today (oh, actually not true—reading about the electricion (?) who jumped on top of a college student who had fallen on the subway trax after a seizure made me tear up but in astonishment and praise, i guess, at that bold decision and life-saving gesture), but none shed over myself. that's the great difference. and viva! by the end of yesterday, in fact, i felt better. and maybe it's just time, getting away from the new year hoo-ha, getting back into routine, writing a few exploratory emails related to professional pursuits, having a one-hour conversation with a internet date dude who seemed a tad controlling but i was bizarrely and uncharacteristically going-with-flow and totally unaddled, even amused by the 'tude. it's the reefer.

or is it?

dudes, there is no reefer. it's just me.

but the short of it is that i feel better. and i thank jc for writing me. it's kind and touching. and the thing is that even when i am so blue i'm black, there is that, to know that one is loved and cared about even if not romantically. my friend n made the same point to me the other day when we were walking around and i started to cry in front of him. and i was moved by his gesture. by both of these gestures.

but in those dark recesses into which occasionally i stumble (and hopefully everyone does cause i'd hate to think it's an anomoly) one forgets that there are folks around who care about my welfare and happiness. the prob is that even if i remember to remember it, every now and again even that is insufficient salve.

but i want to end on a happy note: high c and hold for four beats.