n.b.

i have two crushes!!!! i totally forgot about them. but one of them i never see (in spite of my strategizing) and the other i will never see, probably, very soon. alas. my heart. she aches.

lucky stars

here's why i thank 'em:

ankles. praise god. must remember that i am blessed to have them.

mango chutney on top of a cheese quesadilla. a feckin' revelation.

and a propos of film:

there's a poster everywhere for the newest scorcese cliche. this one's about southie and it's got three portraits on it. one is of l'il jacky nicholson. but if that's a new photo and not some leftover proof from days of cuckoos nest or chinatown, i'm a 6 foot tall blonde with double d's.

shameless self-promotion

well, it's not me i'm promoting. it's a friend i haven't seen in a while. he's got a clever film blog, here's the link, http://looker.typepad.com/.

it is from him that i learned that jack abramoff is a jerry lewis fan and that steely dan <3's wes anderson. (i do so hate steely dan, so by that mathematical principle whose name i forget but goes: if a=b and b=c, then a=c, i should also hate wes anderson. and lo, i did not think much of life aquatic. so maybe math works this way too). in any case, if all that juice is not worth reading about, i just don't know what.

lambchops and chocolate mousse for dinner. can you imagine?

old king sol

found out i have to leave my apartment for sure. and the new landlord (we can call her junior, but can't imagine i'll write about her very much) though polite wowed me with passive aggressive, and asked me to write her a letter stipulating i'd be out by date x. i said sure but later thought, no way lady. a letter? i'll be out by then i hope, why would i want to stay in this bad vibe bldg, and i see the change as opp, or am trying hard to, yet it all amplifies the feeling of insecurity/vulnerability/what am i doing in life, in my life, after all? am i naive to expect more than a treadmill existence (knowing that my particular treadmill is lucky and well appointed and surrounded by treadmills trod by loving family and friends). i guess i'd say the apt shock highlights all my existential worry. conflate that with the advent of rosh hashana, a holiday designed for introspection, with its constant cry for redempetion, the swells of hope that are sung and also the anguish over hopes not yet fulfilled that is lamented, whether we're talking universal or personal, and the mix is intoxicating and has resulted, for me, in a weekend where everything has reduced to me tears—my mother's inability to make it all alright; my dream that i had a baby and gave it up for adoption; a sermon about peace; reading ecclesiastes (well, part of it, never read it before but a conversation about how it's all about the futility of everything resonated more than a little right now, so i opened it up); seeing friends on the street...all of it. tears. my eyes are tired. so is my pinkie finger and i don't know why.

and i just tried to figure out how to upload photos. tech is supposed to make life easier. i find it makes life harder. i'm in the dumps today.

mas mas

a few other notions to share regarding spain:

mullets!! or is it mulletts!!! get ready cause they're coming here and soon too—the mullet in all its hip glory: man, woman, child...nobody is spared. and the shocking thing is, they work.

ham comes in many many many forms. some are tastier than others.

and while we had no use for our preservativos, the swappers in my apartment (cause i had some spaniards stay there while we were staying in their pad) may have—since i found flyers for scores (a strip club) around the joint as well as piles of double a batteries. everywhere i looked. little double a's. i pray to lord jesus and mohammad too—let these have been for a ditigal camera and not for nefarious use. or maybe that's the same thing.

k needed double a's a lot, but that was to take pictures of vistas. did i mention the vistas knocked me out? i love that hot, rugged desert topography, olive trees as far as you can see, heat that feels like you're baking right down the to the bone. my feet got really tan. i feel nearly spanish.

the first night there we met a guy named luis, a journalist (he alleged) who baited me into a bit of a scrap about israel. i didn't want to scrap cause i'm all about the love and so said, 'can we talk about something else, i'm on vacation, this is the first night, and i don't want to fight no more' (lots of tina turner quoting on this trip, along with lucinda wms, bob dylan and others, we're making a cd of songs that kept popping into our heads—mostly lucinda's passionate kisses, as in at the alhambra, it was gorgeous, sumptous and we said, should't i have this AND passionate kisses...and the truth is i should: so should k. so should you. so here's my plan and don't steal it: i'm going to marry a member of the spanish royal family or a finnish guy who works for nokia. and, if you want the cd, lemme know).

a music related digression: one day we were singing a song by bob dylan from the album hurricane... later that very same day we wandered about town and came upon some graffitti. i wondered what it was, the words, what they were from...and k figured it out it was lyrics to the exact song we were singing. bizarro.

back to luis who pulled down his trousers in the bar to ask us to confirm that he had a nice ass. it was alright, i suppose, though k seemed like she was blinded by the site. then he took us to a gypsy bar which was too loud and he flamenco clapped while we stood against the wall. it was called 'blackjack' and was not that interesting. and he also told us that american girls only sleep with foreign men if they're really really drunk cause they're so uptight and fearful. we were really really drunk on some nights and didn't sleep with any foreign men. so that makes us...tired and wanting sleep.

sometimes spain seemed like the kind of place i'd want to go on a honeymoon, which means my other honeymoon itinerary (driving from trieste down the croatian coast and then a ferry back across to italy and up that coast) has been usurped. maybe if me and mr nokia get together we will go to spain to celebrate. u come too.

and....cut

trip over...long day's travel and though it's roughly 6 am for me now in terms of biology, i'm wired. so, here's what i learned (or in some cases reaffirmed):

there is such a thing as too many olives;
a building can be so astonishing it can make me cry (and not just me either);
spain is my new favorite place;
even when there are ugly high rise buildings along the ocean, the cleanness and coolness of the water makes me forget the ugly buildings (where many german tourists seem to congregate);
i love floating in water;
hippies congregate in granada—if you smile at them they might stalk you (but you can't be sure);
those sultans sure knew how to build a palace;
i want to live in a sultan's palace;
olive oil on toast for breakfast;
picasso, el greco, etc....;
i like sangria;
k and i have many karaoke numbers to prepare.

that's it for now. i think i'll start studying spanish, would be useful in any case to know. and then to go back to spain.