market watch

so, i am the worst person to answer surveys, especially market research surveys. today some woman called and started asking questions before i realized what was happening. at one point, i wondered if i was even talking to a live person, so i asked. i was. but on and on about nuclear power. it is not an issue i follow. maybe i ought to. she'd read these long statements about a facility in nys and i'd have to say if i agree strongly or mildly or not at all and i lost concentration and felt like this whole thing is a big lie because i can't possibly offer any real opinion based on a statement read to me over the phone by someone whose voice sounds like it's computer-generated. and it seemed to go on and on and on. finally i said i didn't want to finish the survey, that i had other things to do, that my answers were in any case lies and random because i don't know enough about indian point nuclear facility to hear her statements and make responsible answers. she was a bit annoyed, i think, that we had gotten this far. and i understand she is just a market research telephone lady. but still, i hung up.

then i got a call from a man who sounded like he lived far, far away. i thought perhaps india. in fact, utah. that's far from me. he said he had 'a few more questions' to finish the survey. i said, how many really? he said, around 6. i told him a few usually is three. i told him all my answers are lies because i am hungry and can't even really pay attention to his long statements about reports and fish and water and coolants and nuclear and new york city and green power and so when he asks me to rate the statements according to like or dislike, approve or disapprove, my answers come out simply to move the process along, not because i care about this survey taking or because i know what i am talking about and in that way, again, my answers are lies and the market research they accumulate from me is flawed.

i asked him to acknowledge the absurdity of our interaction. he would not.

i asked him to simply reply, to the remainder of the questions, 'strongly disapprove.' he said he had to read me each statement. i told him i am not even paying attention, it makes no difference, i don't want to do this anymore.

then we finally hung up.

it made me realize anew how weird market research is. these folks needed an opinion from me, any opinion would do, it did not matter whether the opinion was based on knowledge or belief. just had to mark an answer, teach to the test.

i smell chicken cooking somewhere and it is making me want some.

this one's for jack

on account of his fast-twitch google reading and he caught me having deleted a post today and i deleted it because i explained i am trying to look inward. hey! i started yoga! i dig it. i dig focusing on a single thing like is my knee aligned with my ankle while i reach heavenward with one arm and try to make sure my back is parallel to the wall.

but here's another thing. valentine's day, that's what i wrote about before i erased my post. i don't like that holiday. never much have. it's so stupid it is stoopid. and i think cards that are shaped like hearts ought to be anatomically accurate. and they should never feature a lace border.

what are my valentine's plans? a concert, maybe, that a friend is performing. maybe a drink. maybe a piece of chocolate (i just had some to get ready). just today the doc listened to my heart with her stethascope.

part of me is cynical and part is hopeful. more of me is hopeful than cynical. i don't think that makes me less profound than someone with the opposite ratio. that's why movies like the wrestler annoy me - or rather, why the attention lavished on them vs the attention lavished on a movie like happy-go-lucky bugs me because there is an implication that joy is shallow and uninteresting. i am unconvinced that sadness is profound while happiness is a sign of idiocy. happiness is not naivete or ignorance.

anyway, in me these two parts - the sometimes cynical more often optimistic do battle, but the sort you find on dancing with the stars. sometimes it is a rumba, sometimes a cha cha, occasionally a waltz and from time to time a jig.